man --- pursuing a creative end can be such an act of faith at times. having this vague vision for something and chasing after it like some kind of ghost until it actually materializes. you can keep hitting wall after wall and then boom - you hit the zone and stike a pace - and then there it is. needless to say, i think this tune is nearly completed - i hit the zone earlier today, just finished. i've got a tune that i feel has great potential ( i actually built it off of the one i wrote for Vashti & Ephriam, but it has evolved into something other than at this point), and the lyrics are basically complete. hope you like the changes, but like usual - shoot straight! is it cohesive and structured enough to make sense as it unravels from beginning to end? let me know your thoughts please ~ dougie f.the unbristled love
it is the night
as dark as the lone wolf’s mouth
that holds the highest moon
and the one
who is left to walk all alone
he sings the lowest tune
he sings the lone moon’s pining
but tonight
i sing aloud to Thee
i sing the stars out loud
i sing the stars all shining
i want to run with the others
run with the others
i want to run with the others
within a boundary free (x2)
oh Alpha
my ears lay flat for Thee
like wings of seraphim
oh Abba
I yield my neck to Thee
I lick my muzzle clean
I’m whimpering & whining
Omega
the way I feel it now
I feel the built in need
I feel our hearts aligning
i want to run with the others
run with the others
i want to run with the others
within a boundary free (x2)
how i yearn
to be wrapped up in the fur
of the unbristled love
i can feel
the need for the brotherhood
to dwell within as one
amid Your cowering family
but it seems
that i just can’t get it right
i can’t get up the steam
within Your chosen body
i want to run with the others
run with the others
i want to run with the others
within a boundary free (x?)
it is the night
as dark as the lone wolf’s mouth
that holds the highest moon
and the one
who is left to walk all alone
he sings the lowest tune
he sings the lone moon’s pining
but tonight
i sing aloud to Thee
i sing the stars out loud
i sing the stars all shining
i want to run with the others
run with the others
i want to run with the others
within a boundary free (x2)
oh Alpha
my ears lay flat for Thee
like wings of seraphim
oh Abba
I yield my neck to Thee
I lick my muzzle clean
I’m whimpering & whining
Omega
the way I feel it now
I feel the built in need
I feel our hearts aligning
i want to run with the others
run with the others
i want to run with the others
within a boundary free (x2)
how i yearn
to be wrapped up in the fur
of the unbristled love
i can feel
the need for the brotherhood
to dwell within as one
amid Your cowering family
but it seems
that i just can’t get it right
i can’t get up the steam
within Your chosen body
i want to run with the others
run with the others
i want to run with the others
within a boundary free (x?)
I really like the direction your headed in, even if you may need to do some tweaking. I especially like the idea of desiring to be part of the group but having difficulty finding a place in it. I also like the "my ears lay flat before Thee" and the "cowering" line. They indicate deep reverence. I imagine that this is the way a wolf would lay prostrate in the presence of Holiness. "Oh Alpha Oh Abba" convey an almost howling cry. You're working with some nice stuff, man. I wouldn't expect anything less from you....you're a mastermind. I can't wait to read the finished result. I really am enjoying co-operating within this blog. Lots of fun.
ReplyDeleteWow, man, you have made some great changes. I really like the changes in the first lines.
ReplyDeleteThe mouth holding the highest moon paints a cool picture. I bare my neck to thee also is a nice addition. One thing that I thought when I first read it was that the last section didn't quite flow the way that the rest does. After reading it a couple of more times and giving it some space, it feels better. I wonder if it might come across more fluidly if the last part of the last verse was bumped up to be first...something like this:
I want to be wrapped up in your love,
in the unbristled fur of your ransomed body.
But it seems,
I can't pick up steam,
I need among the ones.
Yet, I feel the need of the brotherhood,
to dwell within as one amid your cowering family.
Just an idea. That's the only thing that I wasn't sure about, and everything else sounds perfect. It's gonna be a great song, man. Thanks for baring you neck.